If you’re in a relationship, and you and your partner always argue about money or aren’t sure how to get on the same page with your financial goals, you might be happy to hear you’re not alone. In a 2018 Fidelity Couples & Money survey, 46% of couples admitted that money was the biggest challenge in their relationship. Of those same couples, the ones who had debt, 67% have arguments about money. It wasn’t that unnatural in couples without debt, where 41% stated they still argue about money.

In a 2019 academic journal, the number one financial dealbreaker for couples was keeping money-related secrets. In other words, hidden debt or bank accounts are what typically ends relationships.

So, how can you avoid these same miscommunications and financial stressors in your relationship? It takes a few awkward but necessary conversations, and the realization that there isn’t always a black and white answer.

In other words, set up a money date night, and get ready to get down and dirty – with your finances. Here are some key tactics to keep in mind before you jump in. Feel free to send them to your partner before the date, so you both know the ground rules.

Relationships require full disclosure without fear of judgment

Transparency, while intimidating, can take away a lot of the tension that may exist in your relationship when it comes to money. An overwhelming 86% of couples would instead earn less if it meant their partner could work in a stress-free environment. Therefore, no one wants to see the love of their life struggle. Before you reveal all there is to know about your financial situation, be sure to set some rules beforehand. For instance, what happens if you hear something you don’t like? Money is more than numbers. There could be a lot of emotional baggage that comes with their debt, so be mindful of these potential feelings. If someone reveals a heavy debt load or a laundry list of expenses, give yourself time to digest before you respond.

Assess your current budgeting system (if you have one)

In a 2016 survey completed by Ameriprise, 73% of partners’ budgeting styles were not a match. Does that mean they won’t be compatible? Absolutely not. But it does mean that they likely have to work a bit harder to ensure that they’re on the same page and try a few different budgets before they find the perfect fit. Something else to consider is whether or not you want to merge your finances or keep them separate. Either option is okay. Determine your financial strengths and weaknesses to help you decide.

Be open to making money fun

It doesn’t have to be overwhelming and scary to share how money makes you feel. Share your favourite things to buy and the ways you spend money. Give yourself some expectations and limitations that both of you value equally. Perhaps you choose quality over quantity or choose experiences over materials. Either way now is the time to get excited about the potential your financial future holds. Two wallets can be a lot more advantageous than one in today’s climate.

Let go of the “could be’s” and the “what if’s” 

Lastly, now is not the time to start pulling out hypotheticals and adding fuel to the fire. It’s natural and common to worry about money, but in your first conversation, try to stay focused on the present situation and realistic ways you can work together to make money less of a taboo in your relationship.

How do you talk about money in a relationship?

My course, ‘Oh F*ck, Are We Ready to Talk About Money,’ is perfect for couples to learn how to navigate a typically uncomfortable conversation. You and your partner have experienced enough uncomfortable firsts. So, let’s not put ourselves through that again with our money.

What does the ‘Oh F*ck, Are We Ready to Talk About Money’ course get you?

✔ 15 exercises to help you better understand each others’ financial situation

✔ A 24-page printable workbook to use as you go through the course

✔ 7 video lessons to guide you through the tougher conversations

✔ 3 goal-setting tactics to help you plan your financial future together

✔ Quiz to help you identify the best way to manage your money

✔ Excel spreadsheet to manage your monthly budget separately or together